Cosima's story part 4

In one of those dreams I remember deciding to LIVE. I remember why I decided to LIVE and having a Rational thought process about why. The choice was made while I was in UNM Hospital in a dream state, but I remembered while I was in Kindred Hospital. It was not too much after I woke up one morning and I WAS SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE.

Sam and Zach, my sons, needed to catch up on some of the work they had been missing. Sam's wife Kayla had her Mom Nancy fly in from Washington state to help out my Mom with taking turns at the Hospital.

I remember someone asking me if I remembered choosing to live and when I said yes inside myself I heard the reason why. I was not worried about my sons because they both had good lives and women who would help them make it through life. But my Mom had just had 2 husbands die. She was married to my dad for almost 60 years and then married my dad's brother. He was going on 90 and had taken care of his wife for 8 years before she died and my mom had been taking care of my dad for 4 years before he died. They both had a lot in common such as loving music and the same last name. He died last year and we still miss him. My mom is 83 and 2 deaths in a 3 year period is hard enough to take much less your 60 year old daughter. So, I decided on some dream intervention level to stay in this body. I did not know of course how much pain and how much work it would be to be able to walk and use my right arm again. I did know though that I would have a lot of help both on this plane and from a lot of light beings not so visible. Also I knew then that when I was able to return home I would be living with my mom off and on for quite awhile.

Nancy, Kayla's mom, was a great help and I had my first gentle massage on legs and feet. She is a nurse and it was my mom's first time to meet her. They get along great, she is a very sweet lady. The 3 of us had a fine time and I am very grateful. She also went with Jan to pick out a nursing home. After passing the swallow test I was ok to move on for rehabilitation in a nursing home since I needed less care.

After Nancy left Angele started visiting me rubbing my feet with rescue remedy. That also helped immensely.

When my son Zach returned he gave me a nice massage. I think moving around in the bed and gentle massages where one reason I did not get bed sores.

Sam does Reiki and when he came he told me about doing Reiki on me at UNM hospital and how Kayla his wife started experiencing the energy coming off of me. I had Sam work on my right leg, which at the time was spasming and the two toes next to the big toe would curl up and cross over each other. There was still a lot of pain and Sam would end up with very hot hands and need to shake of the intensity of the pain. I could only handle short treatments and soft touching.

When Jan worked on me he couldn't believe how I would jump from being touched. There is nothing like having so many people around me trained in Reiki to make a difference in recovering from a major accident. I am a certified Reiki Teacher and have over 50 students. I never thought I would be needing treatments the way I need them now.

The big move to Rio Ranch Nursing and Rehabilitation Home was by Ambulance as I was still wheelchair bound. It was a exciting day to leave a hospital environment and go to a Nursing home. They had a piano in the entrance room plus a glass bird cage with lots of singing birds. Outside there were big trees and 4 little gazebos and places to sit along a concrete walk way.

Not long before I left Kindred, they had put in a trachea which I could touch on the outside and speak. The whole family was thrilled because writing notes and making sign language to get my messages across was difficult. My voice sounded strange after so many weeks of not being able to speak.

Saying good by to the staff at Kindred took awhile and with having so many cards and so many visitors and constant attention from family and friends.

I felt like a celebrity leaving a familiar place. I was a little sad to be leaving friends at the hospital but so happy to be moving on to the next adventure.

Love and Light Cosima

Story to be continued . . .

Cosima's story part 3

Dear friends

You know that if you are looking for a miracle, you can count on my still being alive as one of those unexplained miracles. THERE IS NO LOGICAL REASON FOR ME TO STILL BE ALIVE. If you saw the bicycle and you understood WHAT A FREAKY ACCIDENT IT WAS, you would be asking yourself a lot of unexplainable questions.

Still at Kindred Hospital:

The family whose son and daughter were part of the accident came to visit me at Kindred hospital and have continued to visit. They are a very nice family. The son and daughter read me a letter that they wrote telling me how sorry they were. The family has undergone counseling because of this event. The father and son have come and helped out by things outside, like cutting wood and raking pine needles at my cabin, which I cannot do right now.

FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS as it says in "The Course in Miracles".

I wasn't thinking of the course I had studied. Most of my response was triggered from my heart and a dream I had had. The dream was as real to me as life. It was about a school teaching children a new respect for themselves. The school was a secret school and was hidden from the world which was not in favor of children learning who they really are. The time period appeared to be in the 1800's because of the dress code. A friend of mine was the main teacher. Women or young girls out in the real world apart from this school particularly were not allowed to be learning the trades that were taught at this school. She helped me to understand that children can be damaged permanently if they feel really guilty about something that they have done. Sometimes the damage affects the way they relate to others for the rest of their life so much that when they have children they pass that same pattern on.

This dream triggered in me a need to completely forgive the son and daughter responsible for this accident. No matter what anyone said to me about what I should do I knew with all of my beingness that I must take my own guidance on this event.

I have explained to quite a few friends that acknowledging what has happened and letting go of it by silent screaming for the pain or just remembering, forgiving and letting go are the important factors in helping the body and mind to heal. How much does someone need to pay for mistakes? Can you really get anything out of revenge? Isn't the world in a state of delusion about an eye for and eye? Really who pays the most for holding a grudge?

Have you viewed the TV program " Joan of Arcadia". This young teenage girl gets visits from God. In this program God visits her with a changing Image such as the garbage man or the teacher or a little girl in the park. God is always asking Joan to do some task like join the chess club or be someones friend. It is after a lot of incidental things happen that sometimes she begins to understand how this project she has been given helps someone. Sometimes God has to spell it out more clearly by showing her what would have happened if she had not made friends with someone. Often she gets in trouble with her family or friends because they do not understand why she is doing so many odd things. She has learned that she can't tell anyone that God talks to her because they will think she needs counseling.

In this dimension though, I remember very strongly saying to my friend Angele who was in my dream, this was before my accident. I was quite adamant about how abuse needed to stop happening on this planet, YOU may think that is fairly precocious of me.

I learned in the hospital because of my judgment about abuse, and some of my pain level, that if I could totally appreciate each attendant or nurse and cleaning person, I could have compassion and help them feel good about themselves. If I chose to ignore how they were feeling they might continue to have a bad hair day!!!.. On those days I would suffer because their mood was distracting them from being careful. If I didn't help them shift their mood, sometimes it was a painful bath in the bed, or they lifted me a little to high and plopped me down a little to hard, etc. If I acknowledged that I recognized something was going on with them and then thanked them for how much care they were giving me, they started being more aware of how they handled me.

I did get to meet one of the nurses who worked so diligently on my scars on my face at UNM Hospital. It was a brief connection and again she helped me through some pain as it was an early morning ambulance ride from Kindred Hospital for a appointment at UNM Hospital. I was hurting a lot and she did some energy work that helped. Thanks to her I don't have much visible scar tissue on my forehead.

Among things I began to realize is that I was healing quickly. I had more energy than most patients, but I did not sleep well. At first I thought it was the bed and the constant sound and activity that I was not use to. But, then I also realized that all my wonderful friends must be working on me and sending me energy. It was a powerful realization 'of being so loved' people were sending me round the clock all this energy.

The staff helped me realize that I needed sleep to help the healing also. My Friend Dr. Dan who had been calling me and doing distance treatments: He calls them "The Equations of Life " suggested ear plugs and an Ipod of music which really helped along with his incredible treatments. So many friends came in and gave me Reiki treatments both at UNM Hospital and at Kindred. I was so drugged and in a dream world from all the surgeries I didn't remember half of the wonderful friends who came to my bedside and did all this incredible energy work on me. But the dreams I had were so real I can still relate most of the contents in vivid living color.

Finally I decided to request that energy work be backed off a little. After getting more sleep and 'One Equation of Life treatment' I woke up one morning feeling totally grateful for being alive.

It was a total feeling and though I still had a lot of pain It was like jumping through some major hoop. I had come along way Baby!!!!!!!!. From not understanding that I was non weight bearing and tied to some bed post to feeling "Totally grateful for Being Alive".

Story to be continued

cosima's story part 2

Part 2 Cosima's story-continued

Please don't get me wrong about Western Medicine. I am very grateful for the incredible surgeries on my legs and arm and hip. Without surgery and the efficient care I got from the medical staff at UNM hospital I am certain I would not be walking or alive.

At Kindred Hospital being lifted into a wheel chair was a big deal. I really enjoyed being wheeled around and getting to go outside on nice days. Jan and Mom took turns and Sam and Zach would fly in every other week. I had such tremendous wheel chair rides and such awesome support. Also the number of friends visiting me and the number of cards was overwhelming. What an incredible amount of love was poured my way. How can I possibly explain the gratitude and love that I feel in my heart for everyone's support.

The cleaning staff were glad for me to leave the room and go for rides in the wheel chair, because cleaning products have such a strong smell I would often feel sick for hours if they mopped while I was in the room.

When I heard I might get off the food tube at Kindred hospital by taking the swallow test I started to crave chocolate. But, having given up chocolate, except in very small amounts, I knew that this craving was also just part of the old sugar habit of wanting comfort. The swallow test was no easy process, especially having food allergies. Even, the smell of food was not that easy. First time a round I did not pass.

They pull the tubes so you can take the test and then put them back in if you do not pass the test. They watch you swallow with a machine. The reason for caution has to do with getting bacteria into your lungs and getting pneumonia. My nostrils are not large enough for tubes. I must have been on some pretty heavy drugs the first time they put them in. Without Zach holding my hand and Gracia talking me though it over the phone, I would never have been able to do it due to the pain level. On top of that it did not get positioned correctly and had to be done again.

Since I was not considered weight bearing on my legs and one arm I often had to call the staff into move me up in bed. I needed the head of the bed raised because of the trachea and food tube. Broken ribs, smashed organs, and tubes all added to the feeling of needing to move up toward the head of the bed. I learned I could bend my knees and hoist up toward the head of the bed even with just one arm. Maybe I became stronger because of experimenting with this technique instead of calling for help all the time.

The more conscious I became the more I realized that the air bed I had must have something wrong with it. The fact that my sacrum was broken did not make even sleeping on my side comfortable. One day after insisting that something must be wrong with the bed they actually had an inspection and found out it was broken.

The fact that I had so many visitors and so many cards I think is one of the reasons they finally listened to me about the bed. There are so many emergencies day and night it is difficult to keep a constant positive attitude about patients, I am very grateful for the hospitals staffs compassion.

The arrival of a new air mattress was very exciting and the bed made a big difference.

Thanks again for listening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and Light Cosima

Story to be continued next week.

in her own words

We have a welcome change in format. Instead of hearing things from an outside perspective I am going to post what Cosima sends me. She has asked that I edit as I see fit since it is hard for her to spend very long looking at a computer screen but I will do very minimal editing - just very basic items. So without further ado here is Cosima herself:

Cosima says: story (part 1)

I am glad to be alive!!!!!!!!!! Getting mobility back has been a challenge but, I have a lot of self discipline from years of yoga, Qigong and spiritual study.

I really don't remember much about the accident. I was ridding along enjoying the scenery and having a great time. I do remember hearing Gracia scream out. I do remember someone telling me that it would be better for my legs to be down hill and I remember somehow lifting them and changing their direction. I also remember having put my tongue to the roof of my mouth and breathing up the center of the spinal column (the cosmic orbit). I think that must have been when the car hit me. I think that is one reason that I am still alive. Connecting with vital life force by doing the cosmic orbit keys one into the 'Tao' or a place of 'Being'. Another reason that I still must be alive is having such loving attention from my family and friends - it made such a difference.

On ambulance rides from Kindred hospital to UNM Hospital for appointments I met a couple of the ambulance drivers who actually were with me on either the arrival of the helicopter or the actual helicopter ride. Anyway they remembered the event and it was nice to get to meet them and thank them consciously.

The difficult part about hospitals is that so much is going on all the time. So many people and then you spend a lot of time by yourself. Being around so many people on a bicycle trip and then lots of people in a hospital it really adds up to a lot of sound and light. I noticed being hypertensive. Some times behind the curtain right next to you there are emergency situations at anytime of the day or night. I could definitely do without food tubes for the rest of my life.

For sometime I could not place in my mind what my sons and Jan were trying to tell me. I could not understand why they would not let me get up to go to the restroom. I was disoriented in time and place and did not see how there had been time for an accident. I kept thinking I was in Seattle because of hearing my daughter in law's voice and having dreams about Seattle.

The day that I remember trying to get out of bed and after ending up sitting on the floor without being able to use my legs I decided to get off of morphine and oxymax. They tied me up at night with my already immobile arm which made sleeping even more difficult. Refusing pain medication and trying to convince the hospital staff that 2 times of trying to get out of bed were enough took some talking. I clearly realized that the strength had gone from my legs and that I had been in an accident or something.

I did not like being tied up. Getting off of drugs was a teeter-totter experience between nausea, diarrhea and constipation. The wheat and sugar and drugs from food tubes and the trachea tube etc were motivating me to want to get up and get out of there. The amount of patience that I began to consciously practice was core issue spiritual work.

Once I began to understand that I did not have to do everything they expected me to do was a true day of taking charge of my healing.

By listening internally I began to make choices that made my healing faster.

Story to be continued next week . . .

pics of Cosima

Cosima & Sam hiking together

Cosima in her art studio at Thelma's

Cosima hiking

Thought everyone would enjoy some pictures of Cosima Sam took while he was down there visiting. Good to see her getting back to doing some of the things she loves including hiking. Her art studio is set up for her to do some painting and hopefully even host an art show sometime so stay tuned.

what a change

Well looks like when I updated about Cosima driving soon she beat me to the punch. When Sam flew in on Friday to visit Cosima was in the driver's seat. Thelma was with her and she hasn't driven alone yet but am sure that will be happening quickly.

Sam was so impressed with her progress and how well she is doing and so soon. Already she is at where the doctors said she would be at the 1 year mark.

Her intense physical therapy on her arms is paying off and she is regaining her mobility and strength.

Cosima and Sam walked for about 3 1/2 to 4 miles 1 day in various places. She was able to get up and over rocks and walk on some very uneven ground. Her pace may still be slow but being able to get in that many miles in 1 day is impressive though she did pay for it a bit with some soreness the next day.

They went to the cabin to pick up some painting supplies and were able to sit by the stream drinking tea together.

It was a great weekend and the weather even hit 70 degrees on Sunday though the day before it snowed. Sam came home yesterday excited about his mom's tremendous progress. Even better was how positive she is about continuing to recover and prove those doctors wrong with their estimates of how long it will take her to get to the next stage. Once again she is surpassing every one's expectations but knowing her and how determined she is we shouldn't be surprised.

rapidly improving

Sorry it has been so long between posts, life gets in the way and suddenly it is weeks later. Cosima has been making remarkable progress. She switched physical therapists and has found someone she feels is really helping make some excellent progress.

Cosima has been focusing on increasing her arm strength and her mobility. She is seeing some good improvement thanks to her new therapist and all the time and energy she is putting in to her recovery.

Something she has working towards is being able to drive again. She is hoping she will be back on the road again in several weeks. This will really be the next step in regaining her freedom.

Sam is visiting her tomorrow. He is excited to see her progress and get caught up in person. It is never quite the same to talk on the phone versus being there in person. He arrives this afternoon and will leave on Monday so this will give them some good time together. Am sure I will have some additional updates after I hear from him.