Cosima's story part 3

Dear friends

You know that if you are looking for a miracle, you can count on my still being alive as one of those unexplained miracles. THERE IS NO LOGICAL REASON FOR ME TO STILL BE ALIVE. If you saw the bicycle and you understood WHAT A FREAKY ACCIDENT IT WAS, you would be asking yourself a lot of unexplainable questions.

Still at Kindred Hospital:

The family whose son and daughter were part of the accident came to visit me at Kindred hospital and have continued to visit. They are a very nice family. The son and daughter read me a letter that they wrote telling me how sorry they were. The family has undergone counseling because of this event. The father and son have come and helped out by things outside, like cutting wood and raking pine needles at my cabin, which I cannot do right now.

FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY TO HAPPINESS as it says in "The Course in Miracles".

I wasn't thinking of the course I had studied. Most of my response was triggered from my heart and a dream I had had. The dream was as real to me as life. It was about a school teaching children a new respect for themselves. The school was a secret school and was hidden from the world which was not in favor of children learning who they really are. The time period appeared to be in the 1800's because of the dress code. A friend of mine was the main teacher. Women or young girls out in the real world apart from this school particularly were not allowed to be learning the trades that were taught at this school. She helped me to understand that children can be damaged permanently if they feel really guilty about something that they have done. Sometimes the damage affects the way they relate to others for the rest of their life so much that when they have children they pass that same pattern on.

This dream triggered in me a need to completely forgive the son and daughter responsible for this accident. No matter what anyone said to me about what I should do I knew with all of my beingness that I must take my own guidance on this event.

I have explained to quite a few friends that acknowledging what has happened and letting go of it by silent screaming for the pain or just remembering, forgiving and letting go are the important factors in helping the body and mind to heal. How much does someone need to pay for mistakes? Can you really get anything out of revenge? Isn't the world in a state of delusion about an eye for and eye? Really who pays the most for holding a grudge?

Have you viewed the TV program " Joan of Arcadia". This young teenage girl gets visits from God. In this program God visits her with a changing Image such as the garbage man or the teacher or a little girl in the park. God is always asking Joan to do some task like join the chess club or be someones friend. It is after a lot of incidental things happen that sometimes she begins to understand how this project she has been given helps someone. Sometimes God has to spell it out more clearly by showing her what would have happened if she had not made friends with someone. Often she gets in trouble with her family or friends because they do not understand why she is doing so many odd things. She has learned that she can't tell anyone that God talks to her because they will think she needs counseling.

In this dimension though, I remember very strongly saying to my friend Angele who was in my dream, this was before my accident. I was quite adamant about how abuse needed to stop happening on this planet, YOU may think that is fairly precocious of me.

I learned in the hospital because of my judgment about abuse, and some of my pain level, that if I could totally appreciate each attendant or nurse and cleaning person, I could have compassion and help them feel good about themselves. If I chose to ignore how they were feeling they might continue to have a bad hair day!!!.. On those days I would suffer because their mood was distracting them from being careful. If I didn't help them shift their mood, sometimes it was a painful bath in the bed, or they lifted me a little to high and plopped me down a little to hard, etc. If I acknowledged that I recognized something was going on with them and then thanked them for how much care they were giving me, they started being more aware of how they handled me.

I did get to meet one of the nurses who worked so diligently on my scars on my face at UNM Hospital. It was a brief connection and again she helped me through some pain as it was an early morning ambulance ride from Kindred Hospital for a appointment at UNM Hospital. I was hurting a lot and she did some energy work that helped. Thanks to her I don't have much visible scar tissue on my forehead.

Among things I began to realize is that I was healing quickly. I had more energy than most patients, but I did not sleep well. At first I thought it was the bed and the constant sound and activity that I was not use to. But, then I also realized that all my wonderful friends must be working on me and sending me energy. It was a powerful realization 'of being so loved' people were sending me round the clock all this energy.

The staff helped me realize that I needed sleep to help the healing also. My Friend Dr. Dan who had been calling me and doing distance treatments: He calls them "The Equations of Life " suggested ear plugs and an Ipod of music which really helped along with his incredible treatments. So many friends came in and gave me Reiki treatments both at UNM Hospital and at Kindred. I was so drugged and in a dream world from all the surgeries I didn't remember half of the wonderful friends who came to my bedside and did all this incredible energy work on me. But the dreams I had were so real I can still relate most of the contents in vivid living color.

Finally I decided to request that energy work be backed off a little. After getting more sleep and 'One Equation of Life treatment' I woke up one morning feeling totally grateful for being alive.

It was a total feeling and though I still had a lot of pain It was like jumping through some major hoop. I had come along way Baby!!!!!!!!. From not understanding that I was non weight bearing and tied to some bed post to feeling "Totally grateful for Being Alive".

Story to be continued

cosima's story part 2

Part 2 Cosima's story-continued

Please don't get me wrong about Western Medicine. I am very grateful for the incredible surgeries on my legs and arm and hip. Without surgery and the efficient care I got from the medical staff at UNM hospital I am certain I would not be walking or alive.

At Kindred Hospital being lifted into a wheel chair was a big deal. I really enjoyed being wheeled around and getting to go outside on nice days. Jan and Mom took turns and Sam and Zach would fly in every other week. I had such tremendous wheel chair rides and such awesome support. Also the number of friends visiting me and the number of cards was overwhelming. What an incredible amount of love was poured my way. How can I possibly explain the gratitude and love that I feel in my heart for everyone's support.

The cleaning staff were glad for me to leave the room and go for rides in the wheel chair, because cleaning products have such a strong smell I would often feel sick for hours if they mopped while I was in the room.

When I heard I might get off the food tube at Kindred hospital by taking the swallow test I started to crave chocolate. But, having given up chocolate, except in very small amounts, I knew that this craving was also just part of the old sugar habit of wanting comfort. The swallow test was no easy process, especially having food allergies. Even, the smell of food was not that easy. First time a round I did not pass.

They pull the tubes so you can take the test and then put them back in if you do not pass the test. They watch you swallow with a machine. The reason for caution has to do with getting bacteria into your lungs and getting pneumonia. My nostrils are not large enough for tubes. I must have been on some pretty heavy drugs the first time they put them in. Without Zach holding my hand and Gracia talking me though it over the phone, I would never have been able to do it due to the pain level. On top of that it did not get positioned correctly and had to be done again.

Since I was not considered weight bearing on my legs and one arm I often had to call the staff into move me up in bed. I needed the head of the bed raised because of the trachea and food tube. Broken ribs, smashed organs, and tubes all added to the feeling of needing to move up toward the head of the bed. I learned I could bend my knees and hoist up toward the head of the bed even with just one arm. Maybe I became stronger because of experimenting with this technique instead of calling for help all the time.

The more conscious I became the more I realized that the air bed I had must have something wrong with it. The fact that my sacrum was broken did not make even sleeping on my side comfortable. One day after insisting that something must be wrong with the bed they actually had an inspection and found out it was broken.

The fact that I had so many visitors and so many cards I think is one of the reasons they finally listened to me about the bed. There are so many emergencies day and night it is difficult to keep a constant positive attitude about patients, I am very grateful for the hospitals staffs compassion.

The arrival of a new air mattress was very exciting and the bed made a big difference.

Thanks again for listening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and Light Cosima

Story to be continued next week.